Your Attempt At Failing Has Failed... Please Fail Again!

The big ball fail:


The quad fail:


The horse fail:


The pogo stick fail:


The running in the woods fail:


The steeple chase fail:


The WII fail:


Joke Of The Day:
There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''

Dude... Is That A Pig Flying??

Okay... You got a great shot and want to celebrate... Not that way lady!!!


Don't think I will ever eat a cucumber sandwich again...


This is cute and smelly...


This is a classic and guess what... I think this guy deserve it...


Drugs are bad for you... Give it to the lemur instead...


I don't know who McGruff is but that kid will remember him...


Joke Of The Day:
This one is for all the Tottenham Hotspurs fans...
What is the difference between Tottenham and a triangle?
The triangle got three points...

Economic Recession... Still can have a laugh!

You know the way some programs on TV have the "Please don't try this at home" message? Well, please try THIS at home...


If you are a stand up comedian you need to understand that your sense of humour might not please every one...


Personally I wash my hair at least every two days... Guess what... I do not have this problem...


Do you have kids? Do they have a bicycle? If yes, make sure that you show them that video... Look before you turn!


Ice skating can be most surprising...


Here is how the Heimlich manoeuvre was invented...


Joke Of The Day:

The Italian says, “When I’ve a finisheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her kneesa, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy”.

The Frenchman replies, “Zat is nothing, when Ah ‘ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy”.

The Aussie says, “Mate, that’s nothing. When I’ve finished shaggin me sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe me dick on the curtains. And MATE ….. She hits the fucking roof. GO THE AUSSIES!!"

Saturday Morning Fever...

This guy has relationship problems... Maybe too self centered?


During the week we learned that having a peach in a field where a horny donkey is standing is not a good idea. Well having it in Iraq isn't better...


I wonder what McEnroe is doing these days?


The dudes who made this prank got lucky there wasn't a bus full of nuns visiting the museum...


If you have the stupid laugh... Don't do it on TV...


Joke Of The Day:
What not to say to your naked boyfriend:

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Shit, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

Hi Kids!! Anyone Wants To Be Fucked Up? Just Like Me?

This dude is good, but if he missed that the two other balls would have been in troubles...


What not to do when you are clumsy...


I'm telling you officer... I ain't drunk!


Freshness at its best (And the cab driver is a puss)...


What happen when vegans eat bacon...


I hate cats... But they are kinda clever. For example, you know why cats don't like water? Because they are butt ugly when wet!!


Joke Of The Day:

A professor at Texas A&M University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response.” “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic.” “But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says,

“Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.” The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.” The student replies, “Ghost?!? Sheeyit. From baaack there it sounded like you said ‘goats!’”.

Men Can Have Great Ideas... So Can Women....

For example at the superstore car park, just wait for the trolley guy to get out of the way first, then go for fatty on the bike...


If you want to be in the next Olympic diving team you need to exercise... I a pool!!


At the beach... Before making a big splash, please ensure that the tide is up...


So you are in the country side and there you go... Need to let go at a peach... Look around and there is to fields:
One that is empty, one that has a horny donkey in it, which one do you choose?


If you want to look like "THE MAN", this is not the way to do it...


You're pissed and fighting, you think that a sewer cap is a good weapon. Well think again...


Want to pass on TV, please have a shave first...


Joke Of The Day:

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.One of them said, “I’m the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”

One of the others said. “That’s nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics.”

The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse’s ass and a cowboy hat. Now he’s President of the United States!”

Attack Of The Morons...

You know your day will stink when...


Do you like rugby? Maybe prefer basket ball? Well there is not much difference is there?


This hockey fan is having a bad day and it is going to get worst...


Don't know for you but you know these little security gates in the supermarket... They don't look very strong do they?


First he get slapped then balled...


The advantage of the hike in the gas prices is that this wont get to the pump that often anymore...


The best first day at work ever...


Joke Of The Day:
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: “Three years I’ve spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!”