Thursday Laugh...

Hope you liked the joke from yesterday... Today's joke, in my point of view, is the funniest that has ever been around on the Internet. But first, your usual load of idiots...
Load#1


Load#2


Load#3


Load#4


Load#5


Joke Of The Day:
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the advent:

(Frank Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 --! A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!


Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne ! peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...

Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced ! chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?"

Judge # 3 -- Oh God.........

Today I Add A New Category...

Joke of the day... That's after the videos and pictures. If you have any good jokes (I mean not the crap you would pull at a golf club or xmas party... Real funny, clean or unclean joke!!), please comment with it...
Ok, now for the first installment of the strange and idiotic...
In this one you will see a rarity... I guy who wins fuck all at "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and the host of a TV show in the Netherlands who can't stop laughing his ass off when a poor guy who had his balls removed by mistake in hospital is talking...


Bird having a shit on reporter, various idiots and a bit of pain...


In this one you can see a kid (well he isn't really a kid, more like a spotty adolescent really) who loves playing games, his parents were filming him while he was playing... Now he must hate them... certainly became an EMO...


This one is pwnage galore...
Ladies... A few might make you faint...


Joke Of The Day:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

YAY!! Tuesday is morons day!!

Look at those, I like the first one, you see it again and again... and again and then in slow mo...
Beautiful!!


What would you do on a Saturday night if there wasn't a drunk guy around? What would you do without an exercise ball? What would you do without a trash can to jump in?


Do you like disco? Well try to beat the first guy in that video...


If you can't skate, you can't skate!! Just start knitting...

Bang, Boo,. Crash and WOW UGGLLLYYY!!

Ok, you have to love the people who are dedicated to what they do...
Like this guy is dedicated to Hip Hop...
Well maybe he should stop while he's winning...


They say like master, like dog...
So does that mean that this guy, not only he's a hunter but also a necrophiliac??


Ah, this is the time for our first ouchy of the day...


Here is a picture of the an Irish road...
Yes you're not hallucinating...
The speed is 80 KM/h (50 miles/h)...
Tiny eh?


Sometimes a nose job is inevitable...


What?
Hm?
Say what?
Another ouchy?
Ok...


This is the best counter graffiti ever written...


Another ouchy??
There ya go...


Ok, so...
You just moved to a new place...
The last thing to do is this...


Me not understand English you speak now...


I think that the worst in this picture is that,
If you read the phone number out loud you can actually make it up...


Go on...
Last one for the road...

Lazy Sunday Morning...

Ladies...

If you don't know how to pole dance...

Just fucking don't do it...

You know, there is moments in life...

Moments when you know that the next thing that will happen to you will be pain...

Like, if you jump with a bike and this happen in middle air...

Or, still on a bike but on the road...

Or, still on a bike while trying to impress your girlfriend...

We have seen face plants...

We have seen nut shots...

What about both at the same time...

Talking about nuts and face...

Well this guy has his misplaced, I guess...

Sometimes you need to hitch a lift...

I think this is the wrong way to do it...

In any sport you can be sure that there will be a fan or spectator that will do anything to get remarked...

The Saturday Failures and Uo-Ohs...

We all know that the local building authorities are most likely to fail but this is taking the biscuit...

I'm pretty sure that product would make a big bang in San Fransisco...


This mom is great...


Now for a bit of animated fun and fails...


If you want to look good, In my point of view, you need to be someone of your own, unlike these guys...


If you ever go on TV, there is a few you should know.. The first is...


Hello ladies, fancy a real man into hip hop and all??
Here is Eddy...


So you just bought a new pair of pants and they really fit... Bring them back to the shop, don't wear them!!!


Some people are good at craft... Some aren't... In any case all critics are a step forward... Well in most cases...



Having a bike stolen is bad. Having the wheels of the bike stolen is bad... That is just insult on top of it:


And for the grand final for today!! I bet this one hurt as much as it is funny!!

Life's Mathematics...

Everything in life is linked to mathematics. Well at least that is what that liar that you call your old math teacher said.
Come to think of it, that old fart might have been right after all...
Let see...
Hmmm...
First operation: Bike + Fatty =


Second one: Bike + Retard =


Third one: (Bike + Idiot) * Dangerous Cliff =


Fourth one: (Bike + Picnic Table) / Drunk guy =


Fifth one: (Bike + Balancing idiot) ^3 =


Sixth one: (Cop + DUI)(Idiot - Thin walls) =


Seventh one: (Beer + Keg) / Idiot =


Eight one: (Pole + Dance) + Wannabe stripper =


Ninth one: (Soda + Machine) * Idiot =


Tenth one: (Water - Boat) / (Idiot + Weird floating thing) =


So to recapitulate...
IDIOT + WHATSOEVER =

Here Is Your Load Of Unusual and Weird...

Here are few things I found around...
First of all, I feel very bad about this poor girl...
She's doing her job...
On TV...
And then...
This happens:


So, you're at the beach or at the swimming pool and this happen...


Ok, so that is a birthday party, and a fancy dress party... A costume is a costume after all!!


Here is another good FAIL, make sure you shave before the picture is taken...


This is upon me... Who on earth would waste some good quality film, or memory or pixels for that??


Mom! Mom! I found a word that wasn't in the list!!! Yes darling? Which one? Oh shit...


Well someone is in troubles...


As I told you I am french...
And as proud as I can be of my country...
Mr President of the Republic is a freakin' midget!!


Well I am sure that all the skinheads around the planet will not use Google ever again...



That is a FAIL in the coming...


So you won a Toyota eh...


So I heard that Verizon isn't the best company around when it comes to customer services... I wonder what they did to that guy...


Why you shouldn't live your advertising doings to Microsoft...

Here Are A Few Things That Are Not Good Ideas...

Here are just a few example of things that can go really wrong, simple mistake that can have enormous consequences.
For example, have a big sign setup for someones birthday and, err...


Or, let say that you want to sell your car, what would you put first as a good point that your car has? That it is safe? That it is cheap? That it is fast? No... Just that it can resist accidents...


Now, we all have been young once...
Would that have worked with you??


There is a few way to considerate with people...
That is not one...(Click for full size)


Some people are funny, some aren't. If you're not, you're not! Ok? Stop trying too hard...


Sometimes having your name in the newspapers can be a good thing. However...


Some people dream of being their own boss, to setup their own company, and then they have to choose a name...


We all love parties, we know how it goes... There is always one...


Having your own business can be hard. Sometimes you need to do some hard thinking when it comes to the strategy used to attract customers...


We all love picture, they do remind you of the good times with your kids, family and... The dog.


Some people say that riding a bicycle is a little bit like swimming, if you've done it once you remember for the rest of your life...


Some say that wearing an helmet can be a life saver...


If you're going to get arrested by the police and have your mugshot taken... Make sure that you are wearing non incriminating clothes...


We all have written a graffiti once in our life...
Well I guess that one is the last one he or she will ever wrote...

The Darwin Awards

Ok, we have all seen these videos on the net, just people being plain stupid... Quite a few of them. Here is the holywood version trailer...


Some people say that sport is good for you.
Here is four videos that shows that it is not always true...
#1:


#2:


#3:


#4:

Sunday's Post... At Last!!!

Ok, there is nothing today...

Why???

Because blogger (the host) are bleeding useless when it comes to support...

Ok, I have been trying to upload videos that are around 20Mb, the max you can upload according to them is 100Mb... My arse!!!!

20Mb and the system fail miserably...

They say to contact support....

You fuckin' cant!!!

It goes into a loop of funky questions...

Then they say that they provide an email support but there is no link or button that allow you to contact them....

I have been cutting the videos size...

Nope...

Service sux balls...

So if one of the people of blogger is reading this (or can you read??) please contact me at wizzie1967@gmail.com so we can sort this shit out???

If you can't handle 20Mb videos why are you advertizing 100???

The Classics...

These are classic gems...

Well known but, for example, that kid, you can watch it over and over...

Still makes me cry laughing...

It's like watching a lava lamp...

You can't takes you eyes off...

And that kid must be the most unlucky bastard ever...

Now, for the men...

This is the most useful woman ever...

Bruce in big conversation with Hale Berry twins...

My ex parked the car in a safe place...

Bugs Bunny is having a break... Lucky bastard!!

Why it isn't good when you spot the pilot at the bar before take off...