IDIOTS! A Faceplants Story (Part Deux).

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Joke Of The Day:
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."'

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

Meeting People Is Good But...

Meeting things sometimes sucks...
Like meeting a golf cart...


Meeting some ice...


Or maybe a piece of wood...


Meet the pole...


And a wee bit of tarmac for dessert...


Joke Of The Day:
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

I Think I Have A Great Idea...

I need to get a BMX!! People are having so much fun with these...


Going to church can be funny even though I rather sleep in on Sundays...


The other day I saw that movie called "Don't mess with the Zohan"... I thought it was kind of crap... Here is another one... Don't mess with Santa...


I don't know if you use courier companies but here is a good reason not to use FEDEX...


I love this one... Coming out of work on Friday and going back on Monday...


If you are tight arsed do not trust your mobile phone...


This has to be one of the most embarrassing TV moments ever...


Joke Of The Day:

There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief.

So the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief.

The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted.

The wise man emerges and says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wise man says, "Big Chief no Fart."

The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wise man comes out and says,"Big Chief no Fart."

The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans.

At the end of the day the wise man comes out and says... "Big Fart, no Chief!"

A Few Are Freaky...

Okay, so we all had our fun with the copier. Did we? Well, after watching this you might want to think twice before doing it again...


What is the definition of a loser? Well this weatherman has a very creepy stalker. So creepy that I think we can call him a loser...


Okay... Four guys... One is an idiot. Guess which one...


In soccer you can have the best and the worst and the same pitch. For example, you have the best goalkeeper on one side and the worst on the other side...


This is one good ad for hot dogs and one happy man...


And there it is... The reason why blondes don't have a good name...


Joke Of The Day:
Paddy was walking through a town one day when he say a shop with a notice in the window. The notice said "We sell everything". Paddy could not believe this so he went inside. He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson, "Do you really sell everything?" The salesperson said "Yes, everything".

Thinking this was too good to be true Paddy said "OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?". The salesperson said "A jumper for a chicken?, hold on I will have to check the stock out the back". Five minutes later, the salesperson returned with a brown paper bag. "Here you go, one jumper for a chicken"

"How much?" asked Paddy.

"Three quid." replied the salesperson.

"Three quid for a jumper for a chicken - excellent." said Paddy. So away he went as happy as larry. When he got outside he thought to himself that maybe he was done, so he looked inside the bag. At the bottom of the bag was a condom.

He was mad and stormed back into the shop. He screamed at the salesperson "Hey, I asked you for a jumper for a chicken and you have given me a condom - whats going on?"

The salesperson replied, "Sorry mate, I checked in the back and we seem to be all out of jumpers for chickens, all we had was a pullover for a cock."

A Part For The Last Video On This Post

All the clips here are coming from a TV show in the UK called "You've Been Framed"...
Here is the first one...


Some Ownages...


Some Pwnages...


More Bangs...


When the owned gets though...


This is a bit different, bits of commercials, quite funny...


Joke Of The Day:

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said “Santa, will you stay with me?”, Santa replied, “Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys.”

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked “Santa, now will you stay with me?”

“Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys.”

She takes off everything and says “Santa, now will you stay with me?”

Santa replies “Gotta stay, gotta stay, can’t get up the chimney with my dick this way!”

Life's Mathematics...

Everything in life is linked to mathematics. Well at least that is what that liar that you call your old math teacher said.
Come to think of it, that old fart might have been right after all...
Let see...
Hmmm...
First operation: Bike + Fatty =


Second one: Bike + Retard =


Third one: (Bike + Idiot) * Dangerous Cliff =


Fourth one: (Bike + Picnic Table) / Drunk guy =


Fifth one: (Bike + Balancing idiot) ^3 =


Sixth one: (Cop + DUI)(Idiot - Thin walls) =


Seventh one: (Beer + Keg) / Idiot =


Eight one: (Pole + Dance) + Wannabe stripper =


Ninth one: (Soda + Machine) * Idiot =


Tenth one: (Water - Boat) / (Idiot + Weird floating thing) =


So to recapitulate...
IDIOT + WHATSOEVER =

Some Fresh Ones...

I managed to find a few videos that I haven't seen before...
They will give you a few lessons in life...
Like:

• If you go on a horse, wear a bra ladies.
• Basketball can be cruel.
• Don't run after swimming.
• Hiding behind your friend can be a life saving situation.
• Portuguese people get scared easly.

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Today Is Bastille Day...

And I'm working...
Sux...
Anyway...
I'm sure you all have seen girls wearing these pants with some writing on the ass bit. You know, like "Cute" when the girl's ass is so big it has its own zip code. Well at least here is one that says the truth (And please notice the ugly one that is wearing a white T_Shirt, a white short, white shoes and black socks):


I was watching a program at the week end, it was about bull fighting. Remind me of a story I heard. A guy went to Spain and was happily touristing... Went to see a bull fight, saw the massacre and was ok about it. Then after that he went to a small restaurant beside the arena, as he was eating, he saw a guy that was eating something he never saw before. It looked really good. He called upon the waiter and asked him what it was that the guy was eating. The waiter answered: "This is las couillas de la corrida. Las bollas del toro", aka the bull's balls. The waiter added that it was very rare delicassy. So the guy ask to have some to which the waiter answer that there was only one bull killed during the fight and that they were out of it. So the guy asked if he could make a reservation for the next Sunday, the waiter said that there was no problems at all. So the guy waited all week. On the Sunday, the guy was so impatient that he actually by-passed the bull fight and went to restaurant directly, asked for las couillas de la corrida. When the waiter came in with plate, the guy was quite surprised by what he saw and said to the waiter, "Hm... Last Sunday the plate was full of meat and stuff but today it is rather empty..." to what the waiter answered "Well the matador doesn't win every Sunday you know"...


Sometimes people have weird ideas... Like having kids... Eating at McDonald's... Smocking when pregnant... Become French president... But what about these guys...



Now, there is jobs around that need courage to do. And of the most awful one must be...
COP!!
People insult you, usually you need really low mental capabilities so if you're clever you will never do good in that job, you are usually fat because of the 1200 donuts a week diet...


The following guy gonna get so fired... Even though I would love to do something like that knowing I'm leaving the company I work for... Hold on... wait... I've done it...



Do you like walking in the woods? I do. I like to walk in the wood when it is very warm outside and that you can enjoy the freshness of the trees, smell the damp leaves. But then something horrible might happen... You need to have a shit. Worst thing ever in the woods...


Some people always think that things like diseases, accidents always happen to someone else, like this guy most likely think that only women gets cancer...


I don't like hunting and I hate hunters. Which is weird as I love meat... Really. Can't spend a day without meat... I have nothing against vegans though... Just that salad is much better with a bit of steak. So here is a deer getting some revenge...



Seems that in the UK people have a really big sense of humour. No seriously. I know, they have a queen and all that crap. But hey... They have Prince Charles, you really need a good sense of humour to deal with this guy. Here is another example of their sense of humour...


But what I admire, is people that will do things just for the pleasure of pissing people off...
A bit like me...

A Few Pics And Vids...

This is Creationism viewed and explained by Rick Gervais. Absolutely hilarious...



You can kiss my ass...
I can shake my ass...
I can kick your ass...
Bul could you get my ass down??


Here is a colouring book for perverts, kinda WTF of the day...


I am SO moving the Penrith... Where ever the fuck that place is!!!


Ok, a lot of people says that new generation of kids are retards... Here is the reason why:


For the people living anywhere else than the United States and Canada, we now that football has nothing to do with sinners passing the ball forward using their hands. Football is a beautiful game played with feet, skills, and a referee...
Sometimes the referee isn't really appreciated by the thousands of fans in the stands, and you might hear the following:

1. The ref is a wanker!
2. The ref is a twat!
3. The ref is an idiot!

But in this case, what you would hear is...
THE REF IS A DRUNK!!!

It's Summer Time!!

Let's go to the swimming pool and look like complete twats!!!
Twat Number One:



Twat Number Two:



Twat Number Three:



Twat Number Four:



Twat Number Five:



Twat Number Six:



Twat Number Seven:

Why Not...

Seems that there is a tendency lately of people laughing at others failure...
I fucking know because I'm one of them...
So there you, Went on the net and collected some FAIL pictures for you...
Go on...
Have a laugh...
You know you want it!!
The Stairs FAIL:


The balcony Fail:


The Track And Field FAIL:


The Coke FAIL:


The cow FAIL:


The red shoes FAIL:


The cyclist lane FAIL:


The vintage bike FAIL:


The fireman FAIL:


The Canadian McDonald's FAIL:


The Will Smith FAIL:


A dog and tyre FAIL:


A cat and a ball FAIL:


The moon FAIL:


The dance FAIL:


The blond FAIL:


The airplane security test FAIL:


The dogfood advertizing FAIL:


The gay basket ball player FAIL:


The mecanic FAIL:


The WTFAIL?


The baby chair FAIL:


The baseball player FAIL:


The horny mouse FAIL:


The jumping cat FAIL:


The floppy disk FAIL:


Teh rufungh FIAL:

Ok, that would be it for today but will have more for you tomorrow...